Geography Lesson…very funny

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: JUNE CERRETA
Date: Mon, Jan 17, 2011 at 5:40 PM
Subject: Fw: Fw: Geography Lesson…very funny

To:

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where
1. You are willing to
park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced
condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3.
You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4.
You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5.. You know that "dry
heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven
door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU
KIDDING ME??!!

 

 

You can retire to California where
1. You make over $250,000 and
you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your
commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an
artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood
block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell
them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away
it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

 

 

You can retire to New York City where
1. You say "the city" and
expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a
four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery
Park, but can't find Wisconsinon a map.
3. You think Central Park is
"nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their
own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
(ed note: if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of
aggression..

 

 

You can retire to Maine where
1. You only have four spices:
salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ….
2. Halloween costumes fit
over parkas
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy
lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The
four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

 

 

You can retire to the Deep South where
1. You can rent a movie
and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all
y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or
"out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

 

 

You can retire to Colorado where
1. You carry your $3,000
mountain bike atop your $500 car
2. You tell your husband to pick up
Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A
pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head
is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

 

 

You can retire to the Midwest where
1. You've never met any
celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic
jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch
from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a
preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to
any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

 

 

AND You can retire to Florida where
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in
the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even
houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent
dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the
state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless
people.

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