Sending You a Week of Smiles.

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From: JUNE CERRETA
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2011 at 1:51 AM
Subject: Fw: Sending You a Week of Smiles.

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Subject: FW: Sending
You a Week of Smiles.
 
 

Sending You a Week of Smiles.
 

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old
girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex…
Worried
the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's
status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that
teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl
would probably result in rebellion He then told her to arrange for
her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her
and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her
daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about oo.com(the
situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The
girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother,
saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating
Susan!'
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day
and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said,
'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned
good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you
didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed
with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
plate!'

The preacher said, 'No
shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Lorrie and Steve took their
six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they
explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good
health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After
examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when
the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm
pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed.
'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda
replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old
woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed
with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off
the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if
she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began
coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could
fly.'
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a
large audience in Tampa. 'The material we
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can
be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by
the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is
the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can
anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and
suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of
quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and
softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old,
extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a
breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired
woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal
and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his
every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her
to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you
tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I
told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were
traveling by tour bus through
Holland .. As they stopped at a
cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese
making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a
lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she
explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no
longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in
America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman
answered, 'They send us on bus
tours!'

 

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