From: JUNE CERRETA
Date: Mon, Dec 5, 2011 at 4:45 AM
Subject: Fw: Paraproskokians
From: Lisa Himes
Sent: Wednesday, November
30, 2011 3:44 PM
To: Judy Webster
A little levity:
of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or
unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a
type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag
you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last
thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you
hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin
with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train
station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part
that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is
usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't
work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to
be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what
it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is
someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even
when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of
salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses
Words of Wisdom:
"The early bird may get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese."