Fwd: JOKES

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: JUNE CERRETA
Date: Fri, Jul 26, 2013 at 3:48 AM
Subject: JOKES
To:

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  Scottish 
Wedding

  
At the  Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled…
   "Would all  married men please stand next
to the one person who has made your life  worth living."
   The bartender  was almost crushed to
death.
  
  SEX
 
Condoms don’t  guarantee safe sex anymore …..
  A friend
of  mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s
husband.
  
  Lance  Armstrong
 
I think it is  just terrible and
disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,  especially after what
he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst  on drugs.
 
When I was on  drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.
  

  Drive  By
 
A
guy broke  into my apartment last week.
  He didn’t take  my
TV, just the remote.
  Now he drives  by and changes the
channels.
  Sick  bastard!!
  
  The Agony
of  Aging
 
On the
morning  that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging
friend. He  was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
  I
said to him,  "You better get your hearing checked – You're supposed to
turn your clock  back".
  
  SCAM
 
Just got  scammed out of $25. Bought
Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18  Holes". Turns out
it's about golf.
  Absolute waste  of money!  Pass this on so
others don't get scammed.
  
  Pregnant 
Prostitute
 
Doctor asks 
pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
  "Hell, if
you  ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you
fart?"
  
  Sex  Research
 
…..If sex with 3  people is called
a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome, now I  understand why they
call you handsome!
  
  EasyJet
 
Paddy calls  Easy Jet to book a flight.
  The
operator  asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
  Paddy
replies  "How do I know! It's your plane!
"
 
Katch You Later
Al
Wilson

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